


For the Love Of George

by Missy



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Crack, Family, Gen, Humor, Prank Wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 06:58:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2842154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Pines participate in a family prank war and Dipper and Mabel are losing until Wendy steps in to help out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For the Love Of George

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Healy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Healy/gifts).



It started on a boring rainy day. They’d all been cooped up in the Mystery Shack with no customers coming in, no merchandise flowing out, and a television signal that kept freezing in weird places. Mabel was the one who decided to break up the monotony, for anything had to be better than staring at a time-skipping music video upstairs. She had discovered a jug of spruce syrup and a remaindered to the bargain bin water pistol. The incident had ended with them all laughing, sticky but laughing, in a pile on the floor.

“Have you kids ever heard of prank wars?” Grunkle Stan asked, when they’d gotten their breath back.

Of course they had – they were Pines, chaos and hilarity were a way of life. The whole group happily drew up an agreement; the pranks would generally be limited to business hours (and the kids were not, under any circumstances, allowed to interrupt Stan when he was near, touching or smelling money), wouldn’t be cruel or violent, and absolutely would never revolve around whichever theory Dipper was obsessed with. They signed in sticky ink and laughed at the promise of the fun that would surely come.

*** 

Four weeks into the war the kids weren’t sure if fun had a meaning anymore. As fun as it was splatting each other with pies or leaving “hug me” signs on Grunkle Stan’s back, it was hard to stay on your toes around such a fierce competitor. He knew how to hide buckets of confetti in the rafters, seemed to have a secret recipe for krazy glue with twice the holding power and was a master at planting whoopee cushions when they least expected it. But the twins weren’t about to be defeated; not when they could sneak water balloons under Stan’s fez during protracted naps or put itching powder in his jockey shorts.

The final straw was broken one sunny Sunday morning when Mabel sat outside washing Waddles. “Nice and clean,” she said. “You look fab, Waddles!” The pig grunted his agreement happily. All seemed peaceful as Mabel reached for the piece de resistance – a red bow set to be tied over Waddles’ collar. That was when Mabel heard a hoarse, deep laugh from on high, one that was familiar and one that told her everything she needed to know about who’d unleashed this prank. 

What she hadn’t expected was the metric ton of macaroni salad that rained down on both of them. It was a veritable storm of macaroni from on high. While Waddles happily ate his way out, Mabel had to swim to the surface, and when she did her hair and sweater were wrecked with cheese. “Grunkle Stan!” she sputtered.

Stan cackled. “Hiya honey! Feeling a little cheesy?”

“Grunkle Stan that’s cheating!” called Dipper. He raced toward them both from the woods and got to work pulling his twin out of the pile of pasta and toward freedom. “Hold on, Mabel! And whatever you do, don’t inhale a piece of parm!” 

“Ugh, this is so…eww! There’s a meatball in my ear!”

But Stan chuckled. “All in a day’s work. Now I’m one step closer to winning the prize – one sweet, crisp dollar bill!” Stan’s eyes glittered as he set sights upon the dollar, still encased safely in a frame behind the register. Stan reached for it, stroking the frame. “My sweet, sweet Georgy. Daddy’s coming for you, Mister Bill. Daddy’s coming.”

“Uh…weird,” Dipper remarked.

“Dipper! There’s a farfelli in my underwear!” Mabel ended up on solid ground two seconds later. And she gasped when she realized Waddles was nowhere in sight. “MY BEST BUDDY!” She shouted, plunging back in, just as Waddles ate his way out of the opposite side of the noodly mess littering the yard.

“Grunkle Stan, I think this is going a little far just to get one dollar.” Dipper took both of Mabel’s hands and started pulling her back out of the pile.

“Hey, every little bit helps me get filthy rich,” Stan pointed out. “You kids don’t wanna quit, do you?”

Dipper swallowed hard. The idea of just giving up and giving his great uncle exactly what he wanted seemed like a terrible idea. “Nope,”

“Uh uh,” said Mabel. 

“Good luck,” Stan laughed. He actually had the temerity to whistle ‘That’s Amore’ as he walked away from the window.

Dipper eyed his twin. She seemed oddly calm about the whole situation. “Uh, Mabel, are you feeling okay?”

“Oh, Dipper everything’s just fine! I’m just quietly plotting my revenge as silently but deadly as possible.”

“I think you might want to rephrase that AH,” Dipper was cut off as his twin grabbed him by the hand.

Mabel’s eyes narrowed, determination coloring her features. “Now Let’s. Do. This.”

*** 

“…This was your idea?” wondered Dipper. “Go ask Wendy for help?”

“But Wendy has lots of great ideas!” Mabel insisted. “She was the one who taught me hot dogs go great with pancake syrup!”

“Um. Ew again,” Dipper turned toward the Corduroys’ front door, then rapped out a quick knock. The man at the door was very gruff, but was happy enough to let Dipper and Mabel sit in the front parlor while they waited for Wendy to show. 

She appeared soon enough. “Hola, guys.” Wendy froze as she crossed the threshold. “Mabel, are you okay? You look a little tense.”

“Revenge!” growled Mabel.

Wendy turned her gaze to Dipper. “We’re in a prank war with Grunkle Stan,” he explained. “And we don’t know how to beat him.”

“HE PASTAED MY PIG!” Mabel yelled.

“Yeah, and we want revenge!” Dipper said.

“Okay,” Wendy said. “I think there’s one thing we all know your Grunkle loves more than anything else.”

“His fez?” Dipper offered.

“Crisp April mornings?” said Mabel.

Wendy narrowed her eyes. “We’re going to George him.”

**** 

That evening, just after Grunkle Stan had fallen into a deep slumber, he felt a slight chill race down his spine. Mumbling, he pulled his quilt higher, only to realize that the room was enshrouded with a thick mist.

That woke him up. “Huh. I must be dreaming of John Travolta again.” He sat up and frowned as a tall, dark apparition floated toward him. “Look, I know this is your thing, but I haven’t discoed since I was a kid…” he trailed off. “Wait, you’re not the guy from Pulp Fiction!”

“Noooo!” came the creature’s ghostly voice. “I am the man you worship! Every day, you wish you could be me!”

“…Scrooge McDuck, is that you?”

“NO!” the creature emerged into the light, its green face horrid in its familiarity. “It’s me, George Washington!”

George Washington sounded a little bit like Wendy Corduroy trying to deepen her voice. “THE FATHER OF MONEY!” Grunkle Stan sat at the edge of the bed. “What can I do for you, my liege?” 

The long, green body of Washington wavered in the dim light. “Stan Pines! Stop pranking your grand-niece and nephew! Before it goes too far and somebody gets hurt!”

“And give them a raise in their allowance!” whispered ‘George’s’ midsection.

“AND GIVE THEM A RAISE IN THEIR ALLOWANCE!” 

“Whatever you say, oh great and powerful father of the dollar,” Stan said. 

“George’ gave an approving nod, and then made his wobbling retreat from the scene. 

The three kids tried to keep their shouts of triumph to a dull roar once they were secreted away from Stan’s door.

*** 

The following morning, Stan took down his framed dollar bill. “You know, kids, I’ve been thinking – maybe it’s time I let old Georgey go.” He grabbed a claw hammer and messily extracted the dollar bill.

“You mean you want to stop our prank war?” gasped Mabel.

“A little First President told me that there are more important things to worry about than money.” Stan cringed as the words left his mouth. Forcing his mouth into a form of a smile, he handed the money over. “For you guys.”

“Oh my gosh, Dipper – a whole dollar bill!” Mabel took one end of it, Dipper the other. “What are we gonna do with it?” 

“There’s only one thing we can do with it,” Dipper said, his mask hardening into a determined glare. He looked into his Uncle’s twitching features. Then he said, “eat ourselves sick on candy?”

“Yep!” Mabel said. “Later, Grunkle Stan.”

“Later, kids. Later.” 

As Stan Pines watched his grand-niece and nephew leave the room, a devilish smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He knew something the twins didn’t know – that all of the vending machines near the store were just as frustrating, as rusted, and as stubborn as the ones near his store. They’d spend their dollar all right – but they’d never get a bar in return. 

As the twins’ cries of frustration filled the air, Grunkle Stan just grinned and opened the register – revealing the true dollar hidden at the bottom of the cash drawer. “Heh. And that’s why you don’t George the master.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you like this little treat! Hope this gave you the right blend of Gravity Falls-ness and family feelings.


End file.
